


residuum

by goldrushs



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Love Letters, M/M, Non Idols Au, Short One Shot, Unsaid words, word vomit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:42:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26661631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldrushs/pseuds/goldrushs
Summary: The time Jaehyun's kingdom come undone and how it just begun.
Relationships: Kim Younghoon/Lee Jaehyun | Hyunjae
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	residuum

**Author's Note:**

> hello, i'm finally writing for a new fandom and ship.  
> i'm very excited to share this with you.

Dear Younghoonie,

_Tonight, I’m sending my heart to you. It has always been yours to keep, to begin with._

  
  


—

  
  


Nights are getting longer these days. Winter came too early for November.

I was so foolish thinking I was invincible and walked without my coat. Now, I’m nursing my insufferable ass with this awful cold. I finished up three tissue rolls but it keeps getting worse.

I know you’ll be chewing me out when you hear this but then again _you can’t._

Anyways, what are your plans this coming winter break? Are you coming home to Incheon? Your relatives surely miss their sunny boy. I hope you have fun there or somewhere you plan to go.

It took me all my courage to draft this so please be gentle. You always are. 

Take care.

  
  


—

  
  


I want it to end. Our finals are stressing the heck of me out.

Before you scold me let me lay down my defense. I have none but still, this project was a pain in the ass before I procrastinate it. Our professors are being difficult. Imagine overworking us with their requirements.

I guess your finals aren't treating you any better. I saw you on campus the other day. You look so worn out that no caffeine can fix. Your under eyes are turning darker from sleep deprivation.

Remember that time you walked like a zombie and ended up hitting your head from the lamp post? As hilarious it was, I wish it won’t happen again.

Take care of yourself Younghoonie. Drink plenty of water. Don’t starve yourself. And take lots of sleep.

  
  


— 

  
  


I know I haven’t written to you since winter break started and yes I don’t have any excuses.

I was so occupied with doing nothing and letting my mind waltz to different places. Do you ever wonder if time really exists? How your past life was? I entertain these thoughts as I lay down letting the days pass by.

But one thing I can tell you was when we went ice skating and sledding to Everland. It was fun. I had so much fun spending the entire afternoon with my relatives. We also went to stay in a Hanok house since it was freezing. 

Mom asked about you. She wondered how are you? I guess she missed you so much that I wonder if I’m her child. You charmed her so well. Even made you a hanging tapestry. I’m getting extremely jealous.

She wants you to call her. But then again _you won’t_.

I wish to hear your stories. Always wear thick jackets, you know how your body reacts to the cold. 

  
  


—

  
  


You went to Lotte World. I can’t believe you did. I feel so betrayed.

I’m so worked up by this, damn. I remember that we planned to go there together. Well, that’s obviously _not going to happen_.

I hope you had a great time though. I may be upset but I won’t wish you ill. I will never.

  
  


—

  
  


I know it’s too early for spring cleaning but I guess I need to do what I have to do. You left one of your hoodies here. I’m keeping it.

Look at you, I thought you're a homebody but wow. You went places. Kim Younghoon went places aside uni and dorm.

I guess you’re wonderfully taking this.

I’m happy for you. So ~~_fucking_~~ happy.

  
  


—

  
  


I saw how tall your coffee order was today. How many times should I remind you to never overload yourself with caffeine? You become too much to handle.

I remember that one time you were so stressed with your presentation that you took a swig of espresso. You were extremely whiny and clingy that day.

You were adorable that day. My adorable Younghoonie.

Point is, limit your caffeine intake. You’ll thank me later.

  
  


—

  
  


I saw your mom yesterday. She’s as beautiful as ever. I wasn’t going to approach us but she called. I don’t want to be rude, especially to her.

You never told her about us yet. Am I too selfish for being delighted by it? 

I got an earful from not visiting her with you. She told me about your excuses saying I’m too busy with academics or my part-time work. Thank you for that.

Maybe you have your reason why you didn’t tell her yet to save my face. Or maybe you're waiting for me to be the one who tells it to her. Either way, I will respect your decision.

  
  


—

  
  
  
  


Happy three years. If I’m even allowed to celebrate it.

I read all of our chat logs and text messages. You are such a comedian. They said to hold on to memories, but these memories are too suffocating to hold.

Mom sent me a photo of us from our last visit. It was spring break. We were wearing our matching hoodies in it. I guess she found us so cute not to take a photo.

You’re so ethereal.

Three years went just like that and my head still takes me back. 

  
  


—

  
  


Can I be too selfish, not that I could but I would?

I saw your dating profile. Juyeon was swiping his then your profile came up. He declined of course. 

My heart crashes for the umpteenth time.

I’m so upset. I’m so frustrated. But most of all I’m so angry at myself for still hoping to have you. It seems like your world moved forward while I’m still here intoxicated missing you.

You are my everything but I should remind myself that you are also a person of your own.

  
  


—

  
  


I fucked up.

I’m sorry.

I have no excuse.

Fuck alcohol.

_I’m so sorry_.

  
  


—

  
  


I hope everything turns out well for him. He looks like a great guy, Younghoonie. I can see how beautiful you smiled at him, How radiant you are with him.

I’m sorry for what I did the other night. 

I was so drunk and emotional I had gone mental. I’m not proud of it but I take responsibility. I know I shouldn’t be making excuses but I was so wasted that night and I saw both of you. 

So happy. And it broke me.

I’m sorry for lunging at him. He didn’t deserve it.

Thank you for calling Juyeon to check up on me. I know you instructed him what to do and not to tell me it was you. But he slipped and I appreciated what you did.

Be happy Younghoonie.

Be happy.

  
  


—

  
  


Hello.

This will be my last letter. I know I’ve been writing to you for about a year now and I honestly don’t know if you're reading it or not.

I would be unpacking everything as my closure piece.

_I have loved you in my heart, kept you in my head, felt you in my words both spoken and unsaid._

I was so selfish about my desires. I keep putting myself first unaware that it hurts you. You are my everything and being my everything drains you.

The day you walked out the door, I felt like my heart shattered. Especially when you looked back. I don’t know what hurt most - that your eyes, once filled with love now became filled with anger, pity, or that now, all I seem to see was resignation.

The emptiness, the finality, felt so suffocating. My lungs surrendered.

I kept living the past months as if I still have you mine.

I kept denying that you cut the line.

The breakup will continue to exist in the void. Even after its inhabitants have long gone. I’ll be moving to a new apartment. Probably with Juyeon this time. Your absence in that nest intoxicates me.

I need to unlearn wanting you or anyone.

The beauty of destruction is this.

We fell apart. Shattering us into tiny shards no longer fitting for the mold.

You wrote the last page.

I’m finally reading it.

  
  


Don’t be a stranger.

  
  


Forever yours; even if you’re no longer mine,

Jaehyun.

✓ _Read 08:25 PM_

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> hello ♡ [Twitter](https://twitter.com/bbangqyus)


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